I should have been prepared. I even asked him that question a few times in the past. Challenge him to walk away if it's becoming too much for him. I should have been prepared. I thought I have been prepared. But when it came out from him own mouth that he will walk away should I have to choose, I was far from prepared. Like a knife stabbing straight to my heart. Than I was upset. My whole life has turned upsidedown with this relationship. And now when the condition between me and my parents have change to a point that I know could never really recover, he's going to walk away without even giving me the chance to choose? Than I was scared and I beg him to stay no matter what and only calming down after he said that he didn't mean to leave 'leave' me.

Now in the morning after, I'm just empty. He has every right to leave me if he's not wanting the relationship anymore. If the stake becoming too much than the possible rewards. He's right, should I ever have to choose, even if I choose him, that will over shadow our relationship forever. Maybe I can get over it one day, maybe not. Why should he has to stand and suffer with me. It didn't do any good for me to suffer alone, but everyone has their own way to protect themselves.

And I learn I could never be prepared for such thing. I just have to take it as it come. Prepare for the worst.

Right now I just want to sink in to earth and dissapear.