Coming Back to Life

No excuse! I've been bad, neglecting this space. Life's been crazy since the last time I wrote, but no excuse, if I really want to find the time, I could've done it.

But hey, as if anyone read this anyway. I've wrote this only for me, so permission is granted for not writing, excuse is never needed in the first place.

A nutshell of what's happening so far...

Got married on March. 1 week honeymoon than off we were separated again. Finally got the job transfer that I asked, not the package that I wanted and deserved, but I was desperate and in no position to bargain. Moved to Perth on April, finally together after 4 years long distance. Started my job in the new office. Hate the job with passion. Trying to balance personal and professional life. Adjusting to the married life, having to share my otherwise selfish life with someone else. Everything come at once it was overwhelming. But now things has start to settle, not as what I want it yet, but in a somehow more manageable way.

Now here's the truth...

I'm not happy. I wake up in the morning not feeling inspired to life my live. Marriage, the one thing that I focus on (read: obsession) to make it happen against all odds for the past few years does not fulfill me. Don't get me wrong, I love my husband and sharing life together has been wonderful. But I still feel lost. I still feel incomplete. I hate my job so much I loose sleep over it. I feel depressed and the vibe in the office has been negative that all we talk about was who's next in giving resignation letter. I don't have the drive nor the passion of being great at work anymore.

I don't know who I am, what I want, where I want to go.

But there's silver lining on everything. I can feel it. This is one of the life major crossroad I'm about to face. To change is no longer an option. Is a must, or I life a dying life. Being happy is not a dream, it's a conscious decision of what I'm going to be. Something is coming, I can feel it. It'll happen soon.