On Wedding, Before My Brain Fail Me
I'm being melancholy today. Remembering my wedding. Not just the wedding day, but the whole process. Those details that couldn't be capture by photographs. The memories start to fade away, even tho my wedding was only 1.5 years ago. I'm afraid years from now I will only have the wedding album as reminder.
So here goes... the honeys and poisons... the laughters and tears... the joy and sadness... Before I lost more of my grey matters.
- Both me and my hubby don't really care about marriage. We both are fully committed with each other and a piece of paper does not define our relationship. The main reason we get married was to make my parents happy. Well, not that it worked because what could make my parents happy was an Indonesian (preferably Javanese) Moslem man for me to marry. I had 'fail' in all accounts.
- But don't get me wrong, we both are happy to be married with each other. We just wish it could be in our own term.
- I paid for my own wedding. In Indonesian culture, it usually the bride's parrents that pay the wedding cost. But I decide against it. The 'official' reason is that I don't want to burden my parents that have two other daughters to wed. It is a true reason, but one that is more important (but not official) reason is that I don't want my parent to have the main control of the whole thing. It's already way out of what me and my hubby want to do for ourselves.
- I didn't ask my hubby to pay for it. I felt that since the wedding was so out of what he wanted and that 99% of the guests were from my family side, it is better that I did it myself. He took care of his guests traveling and accommodation during the wedding.
- I planned the wedding myself. Maybe it's the cost control or my self-impose-control-freakiness... Maybe it's both. My hubby, being in different continent (and not so much care of the color of the flower or the food menu), trust me with all the small details.
- One thing that he asked about the food tho, if it was possible to have 'Martabak' (Indonesian style of egg omelet mixed with meat and serve with sweet savory sauce). He got his wish.
- I didn't have a clue how to plan a wedding. Never help to do one. Never pay attention to one. Didn't even attend many wedding before.
- I read weddingku.com almost everyday to choose the vendors for the wedding. Without that website, I would be as lost as chicken in the sea.
- If I could have my dream wedding, it would be sunset, bali beach, only attended by immediate family and close friend, string quartet (I thought carrying piano to the beach was too much hassle), soft music, torches everywhere, candlelight dinner in white cloth tables. Small. Intimate. Simple.
- When I said that to my father, he was so mad that he said a marriage that start like that is destined to be doomed. According to him it was childish and selfish. The fact that I want it because it is simple, that it's in a place halfway between Jakarta and Perth, that it give chance for both family to get to know each other intimately, didn't occur to him. He didn't even ask why I want it. And I didn't bother to continue the conversation. I understand that my wedding idea didn't really fall to the 'normal' Indonesian wedding so it might be just too difficult for him to understand it.
- My hubby and I both wanted a small wedding. But we end up having a fight because we couldn't agree the definition of 'small' wedding.
- In Indonesia, 250 people is a very small amount of people to attend wedding. Medium size wedding will have around 500 - 800 people easily. Large wedding (> 1000 people) is not uncommon.
- 250 people in wedding for Australian culture is a lot. He only have 5 people from his side coming to our wedding.
- There were major flood that cripple Jakarta 1 week before our wedding (or is it 2 weeks, I couldn't remember). It did give me the scare, but luckily it didn't even rain the day we got married.
- I was so lucky that my friends were so helpful. Going to survey the venues, buying the invitations in market, crashing into wedding (un-invited of course) to listen to the music. Even my boss turn a blind eye of me going in office hour to do some errands.
- Sadly my boss, who also was the best boss (ad a dear friend) that I ever work with, couldn't attend the wedding since he got transfer to US few weeks before my wedding.
- My wedding singer (who I fell in love instantly the minute I heard her sing), couldn't make it and had to be replace because she was selected for Indonesian Idol (I didn't know if she end up winning or not tho...)
- For wedding music, we had piano and saxophone playing easy jazz. Loved it.
- We decide to have wedding in hotel, so that hubby and his guests could stay in the same hotel. Me and family end up stayed in the same hotel the night before the wedding to avoid the morning rush.
- After the wedding, me and hubby spend our 'honeymoon' there for a week. We didn't have a proper honeymoon since he had to go back to Perth and I had to arrange for my work transfer, visa, etc.
- Our wedding consist of two parts, the holly matrimony and the reception. The holly matrimony is the part where we exchange vow... or actually it's my hubby and my dad exchanging vow. I just sit, watch and keep mouth shut.
- I wished I get to say something, anything, on my own wedding. After all, I'm the one that will spend the rest of my life with him. Not my dad.
- The vow had some part in arabic. Which really freak hubby out because he didn't want to make mistake. He was so stress that I actually had to sneak into his hotel room the night before our wedding to calm him down.
- Hubby wore his 'holly' socks... literally, a big gaping hole... He and I didn't know that we have to remove our shoe for 'sungkeman' (Javanese tradition of respecting parents and elderly by shaking and kissing their hand while half kneeling). The gasp from surprise guests :))
- The 'penghulu' (the guy that married us), was a very nice guy. He was really understanding about the whole mixed marriage thing and I think he gave my hubby lots of leeway. He was also not materialistic, a becoming rare species these days for government official in Indonesia.
- My hubby have to 'convert' to Islam. Me and him really think that we did a disrespectful thing to the religion itself for doing that when he didn't really believe in the religion. But we didn't have a choice. Or actually, we did have other choices, one is that my parents kick me out from my family, other one is that me and hubby take our separate way. So forgive us for being deceitful, but the only choice that we want to take.
- My hubby did the conversion in Perth. He refuse to do it in Jakarta because he said if he had to do it, he wanted to do it in his own time.
- Did you know that he required to ask for a 'Convertion Certificate'? Even the 'Imam' in Perth Mosque was confused.
- The souvenir of the wedding is manicure-pedicure set, package in a cute tube that can change color.
- My hubby didn't really like cutting his nail. Now that we live together, I'm the one that cutting his nails.
- We had the holly matrimony in the morning, the reception in the afternoon and than we got absolutely drunk at night time (of course, after my family check out from the hotel)
- I wore white 'kebaya' for the holly matrimony and gold 'kebaya' for the reception. My hubby wore the same tux on both occasion. He used tie with the same color as my 'kebaya'.
- My mum sew the tie herself.
- On the matrimony, my mum, his mum and partner, and some of my aunties cried. Me, hubby and my dad keep a dry eye. There was just too much tension between us.
- The country manager in the company I work with, came to my wedding. Surprisingly enough. It might be the first Indonesian wedding that he attend.
- My best friend flew all the way from Batam. I love her so much.
- If I could just have the holly matrimony, without the reception, I would be happy.
- My hair got tangled during the reception that my mum-in-law have to help me out.
- My mum-in-law with partner were such a good sport about following the whole procession. They keep the smile all the way in hand shake all those people who were total strangers for them. I think they enjoying the whole things more than me, hubby and my parents.
- The wedding decoration in the stage was Javanese-Modern. The dominant color was gold and orange.
- I loved my hair do so much. In the morning I had white roses and for reception I had orange roses.
- My make up was soooo thick. I didn't usually wear make up so I didn't have any make up remover. My friend actually have to go to chemist across the hotel to buy one for me.
- It took 1 hr to do my make up and 1/2 hr to remove it.
- Me and hubby never hold our wedding album. It was finish after I move. We only see the e-file.
- Hubby and I didn't really like our picture taken. We didn't have pre-wedding pictures (it seems like these days, ALL bride&groom have their pre-wedding pictures). We just not interested.
- There were 3 photographers that capture the moments from the time I had my make up done. It was so weird having so many people taking picture of you.
At the end, I think wedding is only one day. A day. Granted that it the day that start of our life as husband and wife, but it is still just a day. It's the everyday marriage that important. It's the everyday work and love that counts.
