Runaway

So here I am. A runaway. Torn between pleasure and guilt. How come something feels so right and so wrong in the same time.

But, every single minute with my love one is precious. A very very rare moment indeed. They said, good girls go to heaven, naughty girls go everywhere. So hell, let me forget my guilt for a while. It's time for fun!


Title: King's Park.
For some reason Blogger (Hello) won't show the full size of this picture :(

Big Fat Liar

Well... I'm not that big. Not that fat. But I'm definitely a liar.

I really am not proud of that. So I tried to do 'the right thing' and told the truth. Hope for understanding. But I learn the hard way that truth is sometime to harsh to surface. To painful to handle. It maybe 'the right thing' but I think it's probably not 'the right time'. And I cowardly run back and hide behind my lie.

I don't know know anymore of right or wrong. I only know that I do what I believe is right for me and try with all my power to avoid any harm to the people that I love. And if by that means that I have to live a lie and commit a sin, than so be it.

But God, I'm scared. I keep thinking that my plane will crash or I have a car accident or other bad things while I'm away. And they will have to find out from strangers of my betrayal.

Please God, don't let them know about this. You can punish me in other ways (most of the time the very act of lying have pain me enough), but please, please, don't let them be hurt that way.

[People say they love truth, but in reality they want to believe that which they love is true. Robert J. Ringer]

I'm Sorry, I Couldn't Come

Today will be the third weekend that I skip my routine visit to my parents place. I could hear myself telling weak excuse to my mum over the phone bout how busy I have been lately (yeah... so busy that I've been in the office since 10am and didn't do jack for the last 2 hours).

I don't know, I guess the fight left a bigger scar than I allow myself to admit. Everytime I remember about that night, when all the ugly words out in the open, tears just fall without me able to control it.

I love my parents, with all my heart. Will always be, no matter what lies between us. I know this act of 'isolating-them-from-my-life' is probably my way of showing them how unhappy I am for the act that they force me to do. And maybe when I can finally make peace with the whole things I can share laughters with them again.

Whatever happen, they're my parents, nothing can change that. Their blood run in my body. God knows I could never make myself leave them no matter how unhappy I am. I know. I tried. I could not do it.

Just for now, I think I need the time for myself. To make peace with myself. That, before I could try to have peace with everything else.