Jakarta's Sky

The past few months I’ve been having problem in sleeping. It didn’t used to be that way tho. My bedtime, embarassingly speaking, was usually at around 9.30 or 10 pm. Not that much different from little kid :) Coming back tired from office, shower, maybe dinner, and off me go to bed. I love the temporary comfort that sleep is giving me, escaping from real world.

But somehow I lost my reverie. I spend a lot of time looking outside my window till late hours now. And I start to notice something that I actually already knew before.

Jakarta has no real star. All that building lights blind the naked eyes and hide the stars. So I stop looking up and beginning to observe the city down below. It’s amazing, you know. The lights. I like to think that each light represents an active action somewhere in the dark nights.

They have become my new constellation.

Right outside my bedroom window, lying in my bed, I could see one of the many building in Casablanca road. It has a big dome on top. In some nights, they have all the lights on. Yellowish on top, mixed of bluish green below.

And that, is my new moon.

But nothing beat a clear cloudless sky with millions of stars twinkiling and the white moon smiling. Sometime I miss those desert nights. When nothing stand in the way blocking my view. Just me and the sky.

BANG!

When your car got hit, it's amazing how your brain worked in its quirky little way. The moment I felt the crash when the two metal bodies met, first thing that pop was 'damn, that idiot hit us' followed by 'wish i ate that chocolate'.

No connection between the first thought and the second one. I told you my brain works in a quirky way.

It was pissing rain with heavy wind and all. We're in the highway on the way back to Jakarta from Bandung. The front car hit the brake and fortunately my dad stop the car on time. But not the person driving the car behind us. Fortunately (I'm javanese, and we always, ALWAYS, say fortunately in ALL occasion, no matter how bad things are), my dad still press the car break so the force didn't make multiple crash.

The rear end of the car was badly dented. The luggage door couldn't be open. The damage on the car that hit us are far worst. I'm just grateful no one got hurt.

Unanswered

She looked at the eudora screen anxiously. Waiting till the progress bar hit full and the "you've got mails" message pop. Rolling down the scroll bar, scanning each line carefully.

That email was unanswered.

She felt out of breath. She didn't realize she was holding her breath during the whole process. But the pain didn't seem to come from lacking of oxygen. She was surprised that it hurts. It's not like she's expecting to find the answer anyway. At least that's what she's been trying to tell herself. To kill her hope. What a stupid hope. It's so stubborn and naive.

And stupid her. She's still waiting.

Weary Wings

A leisure conversation in coffee shop with my boss...

Hey, think you'll be out of here next year.
Eh???
Yap, was talking to the big boss, he said once somebody outside agree to take your position, than you'll be transfer out
....

Happy. Sad. Confuse. Don't know what to say. Don't know how to react.

It used to be ok with me. No no... it used to be fantastic. To move around places like nomad. 5 different location, 3 different country, 5 years of working. And hey, that used to be fun. Bags packed, ticket plane in hand, and off me go to see the world.

It used to mean excitement. Going to new places, meeting new people, getting to know new culture. It used to mean adventure! A new challenge! Something to give me the 'kick'!

Was... Used to...

Not anymore.

I don't know what it means to me now. After the conversation, panic feeling began to seep in me. My personal life is currently in so much mess and a move will definitely going to complicate more. I would prefer to stay put for a while and have my live sort out. But I'm afraid the opportunity will pass. God knows how my other colleagues will be happy to fill in my slot to go.

Something I realize while I writing this. I think my panic is driven by the fear of starting new live from scratch with not even one single familiar face to turn to. It didn't used to bother me much before. But now, I feel like I don't have the energy to do that again. Least not alone.

I'm tired of flying. The sky seems to lost it's magic. I just want to rest my weary wings. And settle down.