To achieve the 3rd objective of my last post, I've decided to start a new diet. But unlike the past, I didn't just go to book store and bought whatever diet book that's best displayed on the shelves or to believed, blindly, to other people advices that there's some miracle cure out there that can cut my weight fast without pain (typical slogan you can see on diet gimmick). This time I made myself do a bit more scientific research on 'diet' which consequently lead me to 'health'. And than it hit me. I have been, foolishly AND repeatedly, doing the same mistake. Over and over again.
My first error is the objective itself. LOSE WEIGHT. The truth is, I have been eating and living unhealthily. The weight creeping up little by little, so slow that I noticed but didn't really do anything cos I thought that all was still under control. Than I realize that I have been buying bigger and bigger clothes and my tummy has two yukky flab and I wonder 'how do I let myself becoming this?' :( But just like the extra weight, aiming to lose weight is a problem by itself. It's a superficial target drive by superficial motivation. Media have been guilty in bombarding the world with the ideal image of beauty. Lots of people suffer life-threatening bulimia and anorexia so they could look bonny skinny like those slim models that rule the runway. I sure want to look good on my wedding kebaya later, and that's definitely a motivation. But I know that focusing on weight lost ONLY is focusing on the wrong issue and not tackling the core problem.
My second fault is to do DIET. I don't know about you, but for me, diet means a period of time when you torture yourself (physically and mentally) by denying most of the good things that life has to offer to your tongue. Sure there's plenty enough diet variation you can choose. Atkins, Zone, South Beach, Weight Watcher, Cabbage Soup (seriously, I don't even bother to do research on this one, the name itself already sound stupid and crazy enough), detox, low carbs - high fat, low fat - high carbs (unfortunately no diet yet claim it can allow high carbs - high fat :), and the list goes on. I've tried a few in the past like Atkins diet (I think I quit because I didn't lose significant weight and I read some scary negative impact of that diet), Detox diet (which is very strict and painful and I did it with my boyfriend we're on OUR HOLIDAY TOGETHER so say no further, I gave up I think on the 2nd or 3rd day. We were such delusional dimwit trying to diet on the time that the temptation is at highest), or simply just starving myself blindly. No wonder I could never stay on diet for more than a week. Once I claim that I will be on diet, FOOD is the MAIN thing in my mind ATT ALL TIME. I became obsessed with food specially those I can't touch. Finally I fold on temptation and because I'm one of those perfectionist-all-or-nothing kind of freak, I usually just give up alltogether afterwards.
So now let me revise my 3rd objective. I want to live a healthy lifestyle. I want to feel good about my body by aiming to get rid of that yukky flab in those places that I don't want (and will still be happy eventho it's not likely that I will ever gonna have Kate Moss's body). I want to feel healthy AND stronger and actually able to do more than half hour exercise without feeling like I'm going to die right on that spot.
Really. AT the end it's a hard pill that I have to swallow. There is no quick fix to the problem that I have been giving to myself for years now. Again. THERE'S NO QUICK FIX!!! THERE'S NO MAGIC FORMULA!!! YOU ACTUALLY HAVE TO WORK TO EARN IT!!! (I have to keep repeating it so my slow brain can actually grasp it). It's a change of ATTITUDE. It's a change of LIFESTYLE. For LIFE.
