AAAARRRGGGGHHH!!!

AAARRGGGGHHH!!! That's it. I give up. I could not, just can not, do any work tonight. I've been sitting in my computer for hours now, trying to conjure up something resembling work, and it just won't work. Instead I spend those time blogging, surfing the web, peeking on the TV, nibble this stupid beef jerky... anything but work. That's it. I decide that I will quit trying tonight. I know I should've finished some work this weekend but I just don't have the heart to do it. It's holiday for God sake and I deserve a much needed time off too. I will not waste my time feeling guilty anymore about my non-accomplishment this weekend. I will just going to enjoy whatever time left. If I have to bust my butt next week to catch up, than so be it.

Red Rocks

I had a wonderful non-productive four days. Thanks to the Thanksgiving holiday, I didn't have to show my face to the office which I take it as revenge for the Ied holiday that I had to skip this year.

I slept too much, I ate like a pig, I wasted too much money on shopping for things that I don't really need, I watched too much crap on TV, and I manage to go for a tour round the city and the mountain.

The highlight of the tour for me is definitely the Red Rocks Park, an open-air Amphitheatre where two monoliths (Ship Rock and Creation Rock) provide acoustic perfection. It seems that most of my favourite musician had perform there. You name it, Dave Matthews Band (they even have a CD from their concert there), Santana, Sting, REM, Blues Traveller, Bryan Adams, and many others Who's Who in music industry. Even The Beatles performed there on 1964.



Title : Red Rocks Park & Amphiteatre
Photograper : Sanity INC
Location : Rocky Mountain, CO - Nov 2004

I know that I should've read these piling literature, I should've done someting with my presentation, I should've finish those much needed file. But of course I've done none of it. I don't know when I will ever become a productive and effective human being. Sigh... that will become my next year resolution (again).

But hey, least now I have more memories about my staying in this place outside of my hotel room and office cubicle.

THAT WAY -->

I was watching a show about Seinfeld (the person and the show) on the Biography Channel. Do you know that Jerry Seinfeld knew he wanted to become a comedian since he was 8 years old? EIGHT YEARS OLD... WOW! Doesn't it amaze you that some people have such a clear dream in life? How they focus all their energy and passion to achieve that very goal?

While me, I feel like standing in a very messy crossroads and I don't know which road to take. I wonder if God already has a planned road for each one of us to take on our walk of life. If yes, well I hope I find my way soon cause I have no clue what so ever. It would be a lot easier if there is a big neon road sign blinking

"THAT WAY -->"

giving me a clear direction of where I should be heading to. Yeah right, like life is ever that simple :)

Or what if there is no such thing as designated road for each of us? What if we need to make our own road, create our own destiny? Will God than be asking too much to mankind?

Missing You

I'm trying so hard not to pick up the phone and dial your number. I know you will be in your office at the moment and I hate to bother you at work. A rule that unfortunately I broke too many time already. And what can I said to you anyway? How can I describe the hollowness in my stomach and the way my heart ache like there's two giant hand squeezing it? Will you understand? Do you feel that way too?

I miss you so much. Always been, but never before reach this stage. Now it start to hurt me physically as well as mentally. My hands cramped for wanting to reach you, hug you and touch you. I try to be strong, but even energizer bunny will run out of battery eventually. I feel so empty and worn out. And I don't know how much longer I can hang on.

"Lonely is a funny thing. It's almost like another person. After a while, it'll keep you company if you'll let it" [Ann Packer - The Dive from Clausen's Pier]

Home Sick

Title : The Nose
Photograper : Sanity INC
Subject : Beechcraft Nose on the Propeller Nose
Location :Somewhere on top white montain range - 2004

The Beechcraft 1900D was full. It was such a small plane, I was having problem to put my foot with my bag pack under the seat. And I'm actually a small girl, least compare to most of the people that share the plane with me. I can't pretend to be excited about the trip in the beginning. It's starting winter and they already have snow 3 weeks ago. Being a tropical girl, my body don't like the cold weather very much.

I've been in this small city for 1 week now. I began to appreciate the barren rocky view that surround me. All the trees look naked and even the bushes look white. I had my first snow fall last Friday and made my first snow ball. The guy that I work with teased me, saying that the last time he saw someone making her first snow ball was when he was two years old.

I celebrate my "Ied Fitri" alone, in a place 6100 ft above sea level and 14711 km away from home. I can't remember ever being away from my family during this time of the year. Never have I feel more homesick.

I want to go home.

Baby BOOM!

This year, the hot topic for people around me is definitely BABY. Either from people in the office, or friends outside of work environment, everybody seems to be expecting baby soon. Some have been waiting for quite some time, others are newlywed and could not wait to experience the parenthood. And I couldn't be more happier for them.

Being a parent, must be one of the toughest responsibility a human being can get in lifetime. Imagine, having that much power in someone life. That big of impact in shaping one character. I know that I owe my parents practically everything that I am now and no words could ever express my gratitude to them.

And I can't help but wondering, why is that motherhood instinct have not kick in me yet. I'm 26 years old and I can't imagine myself having a baby any time soon. Am I normal? One of my friend from uni already has 3 kids. THREE... and I can't even imagining to have one.

It's funny that my boyfriend and I have talked so many time about what kind of cat we will get after we married. What color, how many, male/female, and all that kind of silly stuff. And as far that I can remember, our conversation about kids only occurred once. And that's, "hmmm... and I think we'll have kids one day".

The thing is, my idea of parenthood is based on my experience with my parents. And they have set the bar HIGH. I don't know if I ever can be THAT committed to another human being. I mean, you're talking to a girl who can't even keep her Tamagochi alive :( I don't know... maybe I'm still too selfish to be able to put someone in higher priority than me.